


Carry On Vicbourne

by Laurielove



Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 10:36:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17896847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurielove/pseuds/Laurielove
Summary: The Queen opens the Prime Minister's box.





	Carry On Vicbourne

**Author's Note:**

> Crack fic in the tradition of best British smut. Ooh, matron! Tongue firmly in cheek. Love from me. x
> 
> (By the way, the Chief Whip is the person who ensures Members of Parliament vote, that's all. What else could it possibly be?)

_A typical morning at Buckingham Palace, circa 1838. The Prime Minister, Lord Melbourne, attends upon Her Majesty._

Good morning, Ma’am.

  * Good morning, Lord M. What have you for me today?



Oh, the usual, Ma’am.

  * Ah yes. Will it be very hard today, Lord M?



And lengthy too, Ma’am, I should say. I suggest we deal with things immediately. Let me open it.

  * Oh, goodness, yes, I see what you mean. However was all that contained in there? It is positively bursting out, and I can see immediately what you mean about it being so very hard and lengthy. How can I handle all this in one go?



I apologise, Ma’am.

  * Well, you know I like a challenge. I shall sit here. Place it in my lap.



Are you sure, Ma’am?

  * Quite sure. You seem to be struggling with it. Let me relieve you.



Thank you, Ma’am. There we are.

  * Look at this! It is a veritable mountain! I shall start at the top and work down.



I would concur, Ma’am. Yes, start there.

  * Despite the magnitude of it, things seem to be arranged most impressively, Lord M, may I congratulate you.



Thank you, Ma’am. Take your time. You may need to go back over parts frequently. There is much to consider.

  * I can see that! It’s quite eye-watering! Now let me get down to it.



Careful, Ma’am.

  * So much to deal with. I daresay my wrist will ache after all this. Do you know, I often think these matters would be better attended to orally.



Orally, Ma’am?

  * Yes, simply dealt with by word of mouth.



Word of … sorry? I didn’t quite catch what you said. I was distracted.

  * Mouth, Lord M! Mouth. I should just use my mouth!



Well, Ma’am, you can certainly try if that is your inclination.

  * It most certainly is.



Ma’am, I must urge a steady approach with what you have in your hand now. It is of a sensitive nature and must be dealt with most delicately.

  * Like this?



Indeed. That is highly effective, Ma’am.

  * And what about this? Oh, this is something pertaining intimately to me. It seems like a very sticky matter. How to approach this?



Well … I can offer you some tips, Ma’am, but if we can’t resolve it satisfactorily, I may have to bring in the Chief Whip.

  * I see. Have we come to that already?



It’s worked in the past, Ma’am, as I’m sure you recall.

  * Oh, I certainly do, it is burned onto my memory. It’s always rather exciting when you use the Chief Whip.



I’m glad you think so, Ma’am.

  * But I shall never get through all this unless I hurry up. Would you mind if I doubled my pace?



Not at all, Ma’am. I was about to suggest the same thing.

  * All this strenuous work makes me quite hot. You look very hot too, Lord M, I declare.



Oh, I am, Ma’am, very hot. I passed Lady Portman on my way in and she also remarked on how hot I looked.

  * We do tend to notice these things.



But I must say that you too are looking exceptionally hot, Ma'am.

  * Perhaps it is this room. We could try my private chamber. But I feel it is also very muggy in there today. So damp and humid.



I’m sure it is.

  * But if you could come into my chamber, I think that would be better all round.



Indeed. Let us try it.

*Lord M prepares to enter the Queen’s chamber*

  * You’ll have to bring it all through. Goodness. What a lot to squeeze in.



But I’ve managed it, Ma’am. You are right, your chamber is very damp and warm today.

  * Do you mind?



Not at all. I like it. I find it most conducive to what we’re doing.

  * And we seem to be most active despite all this muggy heat.



Most active.

  * In fact, you seem to be working with determination and haste, Lord M.



With everything so hot, a certain urgency has come over me. I’m going to have to finish soon, Ma’am.

  * Oh, but I fear I still have some way to go.



Let me help with that. If I take hold of this … and this …

  * Oh, that is most satisfactory.



Does that help?

  * Oh yes.



We could ride out after this, Ma’am.

  * Ride out? So soon after exerting ourselves with this?



Why not? Would you like to come?

  * Oh, Lord M, need you ask? Of course I’d like to come.



As would I, Ma’am. As would I.

*And so, with utmost alacrity and attention to detail, the Queen and her Prime Minister finished going through the dispatches and tucked the contents securely back in the box once again.*

**Author's Note:**

> ;-) x


End file.
